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There’s No Such Thing as a “Good” or “Bad” Marriage
Today I made the mistake of reading some comments on one of the posts I had written about my marriage.
I know, I know — it’s one of the biggest sins of writing on the Internet. Never read the comments unless you’re prepared to face the backlash. Because there’s always backlash.
But the post was, I thought erroneously, something that no one could find fault in. It was a love letter that I penned to my husband after a particularly ridiculous fight that we had had, and the words expressed what I couldn’t in the midst of a heated, tired battle.
And yet, when I clicked over to read the piece where it had been picked up on Yahoo Shine’s love + sex channel, not all of the comments were very supportive.
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One comment read,
“What exactly does this woman do all day? It sounds like he does almost everything!!?”
And then another,
“I wish I was a pampered princess.”
Can you say, “Ouch?” Of course, my first reaction was to jump on the comment bandwagon and defend myself — and my marriage.
But then I realized something.
My marriage is not up for judgment. And the truth is, there is no one truth about marriage, that can define it is “good” or bad.
Every marriage is different, every partner in that marriage is different, and every relationship, ups and downs included, are different in a loving bond.
Your marriage might look like a couple who spends all their time together, from work to play to work again, or you might be a couple who seems to live in separate worlds most of the time.
Your marriage might be strengthened by praying together, volunteering together, or cooking together.
Or maybe you have a “traditional” marriage, with a husband who brings home the bacon, a wife who fries it up, and never do the two meet.
And you could be like me, a strange hybrid of what feels like a muddled, somewhere-in-between, constantly shifting meld of a marriage, a partnership that needs work some days and flows naturally the next. A relationship combined of pregnancies, kiddos, jobs, and dreams that is sometimes put out there for public scrutiny.
But I’m constantly reminded that the snippets we see online — the cutesy photo booth pictures at a wedding, the beaming “look at what my spouse bought me” Instagrams, or even the mushy love letters can tell us the truth about someone’s marriage.
Which is as it should be.
Because we should stop worrying about what is happening in everyone else’s marriage …
And focus on what is working in ours.